


Don't Mourn  –  Organize

by QueenofFennoscandia



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Confusion, Crossdressing, Double Life, F/M, Fluff, Hogwarts, Humor, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Mistaken Identity, Romance, Secret Identity, Slow Burn, Tragedy, Transfer Student Lily Evans, alternative universe, transfer student
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-01 10:13:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8620537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenofFennoscandia/pseuds/QueenofFennoscandia
Summary: Look, she understood why the disappearing act was the best choice. She also got it why it was for her own safety to alter her name and even her appearance. But was it really necessary for her to become a bloke?





	1. Chapter 1

 

It was a mad idea. Clearly, it was madness! It would never work. And it was Merlin knows how many times that Lily had told it to his parents exactly that.

So why on earth was she sitting in their bathroom watching as long red locks were starting cover the white tiles. From the corner of her eye, she could see her reflection, a slight flash of short hair making its shape as her mother shifted between Lily and the mirror. When she found her own eyes in the mirror she could recognize the terror in the green irises. In her chest heart was beating like a drum. A thrill of change might have made her giddier, if it was not for the horrors of the last two weeks that she had faced.

What had happened? Well, until now Lily had lived in a small town in Central Europe, getting her education in the small wizarding community schooling system. The small group of students had been tight circle of friend. They were the family that shared their hidden self with each other. And as for a Lily, who was muggle born, that had been everything she had needed. It had been her safe house.

A part of her had still hard time believing that You-Know-Who had decided that their town was going to be one of the European educational centers that they would destroy. Most of them had been half-bloods or muggle-borns as Lily was. Their school was formed for those who decided not to send their children to Europe’s bigger magical boarding schools, but still wanted to offer them the chance to learn about the important part of themselves. And Lily had not minded, she got to see her parents everyday – and even her sister Petunia who unfortunately had decided to ignore her soon after learning that she was a witch. Lily was good at studying. School work had never been a hardship for her, for she was food at it. She was good right there.

Until she was not. After all, she was the only one of the children who had gotten out alive from the Death Eater raid. Lily had no idea how it had happened.

 

* * *

* * *

 

_One moment she was holding a hand of a four years younger girl Vivian in a cupboard they were hiding at. Then a familiar scream of the younger girl’s best friend came somewhere on the other side of the door, and before Lily could hold Vivian back she had yanked the door open and ran towards the voice. Shocked, Lily looked behind her but finally sneaked after her. She was terrified. Her breath sounded loud to her, and when she knocked down an umbrella holder with her shaking limbs she was sure that someone had heard her. Making herself small against the wall she waited for the worst, but when nothing happened she moved forward._

_Lily peaked through the closest door she had reached. Her breath hiked as she saw Julius draped against the edge of a flower patterned sofa. Boy’s head was lolled against the floor, eyes staring blankly straight at Lily._

_‘Oh no,’ she had whined breathlessly. ‘No, no, no, no,’ she could not help repeating softly, on the verge of tears._

_Biting harshly her lower lip she took a shaky breath in before she dared to move again. Trying to keep herself alert of any sudden noises, she picked her wand from the floor where she had dropped it because of the sigh of Julius. Lily gripped it tightly and moved to the next door. She had to find Vivian and Sasha – the boy that Vivian had run after._

_In the next room, she saw more small bodies on the floor, couple of who she could actually recognize, but alarming amount of those who had been handled in a way that Lily could not even tell their gender. None of them was having their wands with them. They had not even had a chance to protect themselves. A small amount of vomit came to her mouth which she swallowed back down. Backing down she started to realize how little she could do to protect anyone, let alone herself, against these attackers._

_Retreating backwards she had entered another room._

_‘Look, there’s another one,’ a voice snapped behind her._

_Lily froze. Then she heard Vivian cry out and she had to turn. A woman with clear cut bob cut smirked widely. She was holding Vivian by her left arm as her wand was aimed against girl’s throat. Behind her a lazy-eyed man dangled Sasha from his sleeve before he let the boy drop. A nasty sound came out of his head hitting the floor. Vivian sobbed quietly with her eyes close, as if she had seen enough of this all and refused to witness anymore horror._

_‘I think we have the last ones here,’ the man said with a bored tone._

_‘Job well done,’ the woman rejoiced._

_Lily raised her wand._

_Woman said with an almost sickly sweetening voice, ‘Honey, we both know that you won’t hit anything with that shaky hand of yours.’_

_And when Lily looked at her one point she saw that, indeed, her hand was trembling like it never had before._

_‘Avada Kedavra,’ the woman said, a green light flashed and Vivian hit the floor._

_Lily breathed harshly as she tightened the grip she had on her wand. She was the only one left. She was going to die. She was going to stop existing. This was a purge._

_She felt terrified, but more than anything, she was furious._

_Her enemies seemed to think that the young witch had yield to her faith. They were not expecting her to fight back, and that was why that was what she exactly did._

_‘Expelliarmus,’ she disarmed the woman before pointing the wand at the man ‘Everte Statum,’ and the man was thrown against the bookshelf behind him. Then she looked at the women straight into her eyes and said, ‘Bombarda’ and ran._

_She heard an explosion behind her as she ran through the corridor. It did not take long to hear someone coming after her._

_‘Crucio,’ she heard someone shout from behind._

_Without thinking twice, she dodged the curse by an inch as she dashed to the room on her left. She found herself in a room where a piano that Julius had charmed to play on its own was. Feeling a small regret, she pointed her wand at the window which front the piano was placed._

_‘Deprimo!’ she screamed her lungs out._

_It was the first time that she had used the spell and it had better work. Fortunately, it did by blasting a hole to the wall. Piano was a goner too. The piano sheets were flowing in the air as she rushed outside through the wrecked wall. Her skin met the cold autumn weather, as she was not wearing a coat, just a thin shirt and jeans. She did not even have her shoes. One last time she turned to the house and reminded herself that they were gone and that it would not even matter anymore._

_‘Confringo,’ was just a whisper, but no less destructive._

_She could see the man chasing her in the door of the room she had just exited before the curse blasted the room. The white paper sheets burst into flames too and it was like it was raining fire. The blazing flames colored the world as red as Lily’s hair. It was breathtaking. She had to tear her eyes from it as she started to run again._

_‘You bitch!’ she could hear the witch screaming._

_Lily sobbed, she felt her nose running as she forced herself to move._

_Then suddenly she was in someone’s arms. She screamed and tried to get away._

_‘Calm down!’ the man tried to make Lily stop hitting him. Her wand had dropped to the ground._

_For Lily’s confusion, he shielded her when a curse came towards them. She finally looked up and her eyes met with the man who said, ‘I’m an Auror.’_

_Lily just stared at him._

_‘Auror. Do you know what it means?’_

_She nodded still feeling disoriented._

_‘Then you know I’m here to help. Okay?’ he assured her with a confident voice which made Lily trust him._

_‘Okay,’ she said with a small voice._

_‘Good,’ he brushed her messy hair behind her ear before turning away, ‘just stay behind me’._

_Before she knew it, more Aurors had appareted to the property. They cleared the area. The man had gotten away as they only found his half burnt black cloak. They dragged the woman out of the house. They walked her right past Lily, and right then the woman turned to her and said, ‘You might have made a great Death Eater. Such a shame you’re a mudblood.’ He bob cut hair had burned slightly on the left side, and there was an ugly red burn on her cheek. Then she was gone._

_Lily stared at the white house that the Aurors had put out of the flames. Only that one room seemed to be burnt down. The rest of the house looked no different from usual. If anyone else would have survived they would not have been hurt by the fire. But a young female Auror announced soon enough, ‘No survivors’._

_Lily swallowed. She could not look away from the house. Part of her wanted to run into the house to make sure. Maybe someone was still hiding. Maybe someone had sneaked out. But when the images of the bodies came back she decided against returning there. She could not._

_‘You did well,’ the very same male Auror that Lily had seen first told her._

_But Lily did not feel like she had done well. It had been a failure. She had failed them. She was not worth any more than they had been. More than anything else, Lily felt bad for being glad that she was alive._

 

* * *

* * *

 

The last two weeks had been a mess. Partly she had been too shocked to even cry, but sometimes during the night she found it impossible to sleep and ended up quietly sobbing against her pillow. The worst thing was that they had told her loud and clear that it was not safe there, not for her. Lily could not stay there any longer. One of the Death Eaters had escaped and he knew that Lily had seen both of their faces.

Aurors offered her identity protection, but she had to be gone in the next three days. A bigger school with a good surveillance. A new student would attach less attention there than it would if she would go into a smaller school like her former one had been. This attack had not been the first and it would not be the last. Schools like hers would be a possible attack target in the near future.

That was why Lily was sitting in the bathroom, shuffling her feet awkwardly as her hair got shorter and shorter. She did not have any energy to feel sad to see her hair go. It would grow back anyway, if she ever wanted that. And this would be the easiest part, anyway.

If someone would have made her do something like this two weeks ago, she would have thought it was a joke, or she would have punched them in the face for telling that she could pull something like this through.

“And we are done,” her mom managed to actually sound somehow cheerful.

Grudgingly Lily stood up and looked at herself fully in the mirror.

Look, she understood why the disappearing act was the best choice. She also got it why it was for her own safety to alter her name and even her appearance. But was it _really_ necessary for her to become a bloke?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started to miss James/Lily fics for some reason, and I really like the pairing so this happened. I think I've read some amusing crossdressing JiLy stories before, a pretty long time ago, though. I guess this story is some kind of an old idea that I finally started to write. I've been thinking a story line with somehow darker backstory for Lily. I guess this could be She's the Man/Hana Kimi/Twelfth Night AU of some sort. 
> 
> I added a small moodboard or something. Photos are not mine, I just put it together to create the story image. I ended up using Saoirse Ronan photos that I photoshopped because I felt like it could work. Though, in the 'boy' look her hair ended up looking somehow malfoyish which is kind of hilarous.


	2. Chapter 2

 It had truly been the coldest summer in ages. The early June had even brought a snowfall in the middle of the day of the midsummer. It had melted as soon as it touched the ground, of course, but Lily could not help thinking that it was foreshadowing something. Her future maybe, which sounded just morbid, so she disregarded the thought. Anyway, it was more like a reminder for her of the unusual two months that followed that one heinous act she had witnessed.

It was rather strange, as she found herself being pulled away from the magical parts of her ordinary day. It had been the end of the school year anyway, so she had really no self-study to do. It would be easy to fall back to the school life when the Autumn would arrive. It was a relief in its own irony. The attackers had the courtesy of not to come and kill them all in the halfway through the term. When Lily had realized it, she had let out a breathless laugh, and a long tear-faced sob after it.

But it did not feel fair to have a break down. She had the protection, and she had been given a plan. The Aurors could not offer a guard a whole year around. That was what they had said, which Lily interpreted to be a kind way of telling that they had no time or means to be bothered to protect a one girl when they had so much more important things to get done. Hogwarts would offer her all the protection she would need without especially asking for it.

Her hair was one of the first things to go. It was Lily’s own idea to just get it done with, after learning what would need to be done anyway. Next thing was going through her own clothes, looking for any anything she could keep using in Hogwarts. It had not been much, just a couple of jumpers, one pair of shoes and mostly a loads of socks.

“Don’t worry, we’ll make you a real convincing guy,” the woman working in the identity secrecy department ushered when they looked for a most comfortable way to hide any bits of her body, especially in the chest area. “You’re lean enough so this will not be a hard task,” she winked and Lily had not snort to the indirect remark of her not having much curves to begin with. She was not offended. It was pretty interesting actually, to see her be her but different. When she looked at the mirror, she was not even sure anymore whether she looked like a girl or a boy.

“Maybe we should have gone to London to get you new clothes,” Lily’s mother said thoughtfully as they went through cloth racks.

Lily was holding her hands full of jumpers. “No, I think we’re set.”

Her mother eyed her findings.

“You understand, Lily darling, that you do need also other clothes than jumpers?”

Lily thought for it for a second before sighing, “Yeah, I guess we could find some jeans.”

“There’s something else too.” A corner of her eyebrow lifted and Lily could guess what her mother meant by that.

“Oh, right, those.” Lily held the clothes she was holding closer to her chest. Her eyes found the underwear section on their left. It was one of those moments when she realized how bonkers the plan was.

Her mother’s eyes met hers. “Maybe this is a silly idea. Maybe we could just move together somewhere. What are those Auror-people thinking? They can’t possibly believe that you could  pass as a boy. Look at you,” she sighed.

“I agree, they’re mental. But mum, I could go as a bloke. I mean, I can pull it off…I think.” Lily had no idea at what point she had started to think that the idea could be a successful one. Auror department had some very convincing people. They had made some excellent points.

Her mother looked skeptically at her.

“And look at all these comfy clothes. I’m going to wear a few size too big shirts for the next year and I’m going to love it,” she said a small smile playing on her lips.

“Boys do wear fitting clothes too, Lily.”

“But do they have to?” Lily wiggled her eyebrows.

Her mother shook her head but a smile finally slipped through.

Maybe a part of Lily was enjoying this. It was like a dress-up game, or making an alter ego. Though, she would not be acting like anyone else for a whole year whether she was a boy or a girl. She was going to live her life and it would not make any difference if she was going to do it as a he.

Mrs. Evans was taking her daughters appearance in. Lily had already started to think her clothing choices. Now she wearing a white dress shirt under a long gray over-sized cardigan, which made her look androgynous. Lily’s mother used her thumb to gently brush over her daughter’s cheek.

“I’m glad you never were a shortest of the bunch.”

Indeed, she was not going to be no where the tallest person when she was with boys but at least she was a little over 170 centimeters.

“Maybe you should start doing push-ups or something.”

“Why?” Lily said in front of the underwear isle.

“You are a little on the skinny side.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Lily narrowed her eye.

“Well,” her mother started, “you would not want to be pushed around.”

“I am not going to be some punching bag for anyone – _I’m_ going to punch them in the face if they try,” she said with a confidence she had found after surviving the Deatheaters.

After a pause her mother said, “Maybe I misjudged you. You’re going to be fine. Just don’t get killed.”

“Over my dead body.”

“That’s not funny,” Mrs. Evans said sternly.

“It is a little,” Lily glanced at her mother before looking back at the display of briefs. Skeptically she shifted her eyes to the boxers.

“What am I going to do with you?”

“That’s the thing, you don’t have to do anything. Don’t have to deal with me for a whole year! But I would advise you to look out for Petunia. She sometimes get those silly ideas about –”

Her sentence was cut when her mother hugged her. “I’m going to miss you.”

Lily leaned into her embrace. “Me too. So much.”

After a pause her mother asked, “Have you ever punched anyone?”

“Well no, not technically.”

Her mother let out an unattractive snort.

“Okay, I’m going to start doing push-ups. But there’s only a month or so left. I’m not going to be puffed or anything. And I would not want to be some kind of a muscle hero.” The image was disturbing.

“I heard there’s going to be a pretty good broom-flying team in the school. Maybe you should try that game Marcus and Edit always talked about,” Mrs. Evans said when she moved away from Lily.

Lily swallowed at the thought of one of her passed friend and made herself ignored the sad memories filling her head. “I don’t think I would enjoy Quidditch. I don’t even have a broom.”

“You know we could get you one now. The identity protection program was pretty generous with the financial support they’re giving you.”

“Let’s save it. A broom would be a waste.” The truth was that she was rubbish at flying, well maybe not completely rubbish, but she might have had a bit of a trauma. She had a one bad experience with lamppost last year that she was happy to forget. So, quidditch could just kindly stay out of her academic life. “I don’t need anything more. I’m good mum.”

Her mother’s eyes looked deep green, and as always, they made her felt a little lost.

 “I’m good,” she repeated.

 

* * *

* * *

 

Lily had done a few practice-runs as a ‘guy’. And to be honest, it had not been anything groundbreaking. No one reacted, she did not feel any different than usual, as she was not trying anything ridiculous like flaunting muscles, drawing fake mustaches, or flirting (she really was not that great at flirting with the girls nor with the guys, though the later ones she might had even tried with before). She was her, just others seemed to think that she was a bloke. Which was not offensive, neither particularly flattering. It had actually been pretty anticlimactic.

 But she knew it would be different when she would have to get to know people, or when she would, you know, live with them. But she was still a human, she was still the same person with the same persona, she could still do the things she enjoyed and eat the foods she liked. Maybe she fancied to wear frilly clothes every now and then, and she was rather fond of twirling her once-long red hair between her fingers while thinking. So what if she had to tone some things down, she could not do those things anyway if she would be dead. And when she had realized that, nothing seemed to matter as much as it might have before.

She could manage a year at least, lay low as things settles down. This was not a lasting solution, as the Aurors stressed. To her surprise, this actually had been done before. A young girl had lived three months as a boy in France successfully. Of course, Lily was a slightly older than she had been, and this time they aimed for a whole school-year. Lily had downright refused the other option which was to live sheltered with the minimal contact of the ones of her age, postpone her magical education and live as a muggle. Nothing against muggles, but there was only so much patience she had. And not to mention they had offered her a place in Hogwarts. She had read about the school. To even see the historical building would be thrilling. This was an opportunity in its own way.

 

* * *

* * *

 

On the morning of 1st of September, she had woken in a muggle hotel with her mother. The rest of the family was moving to London, but for now Lily’s mother was the only one to come with her as she was leaving to school. Mr. Evans and Petunia were still settling things overseas.

“Why am I doing this again?” Lily had asked just before leaving to the train station alone.

“You witnessed an unmasked _Deatheater_ in action, you needed a new identity and a change of location for your safety…and,” she thought for a moment, “a long-term appearance changing _potions_ and _charms_ would be a tricky thing to maintain.” Mrs. Evans looked delighted for managing to make the right points.

Mrs. Evans had been a little sad for not being able to counsel her daughter in any ‘magical business’, so know when Lily had needed support the most she had done her best to do everything she could to learn things for her daughter. And Lily did appreciate it in the moments like this. She was pretty sure that her mother was not still completely sure what a ‘Deatheater’ even was, but she sure was not letting one of them get anywhere near Lily.

“Look at my girl,” Mrs. Evan sighed. “If I’d had a son I’m sure he would have looked this handsome.”

Lily managed to laugh, “Thanks mum.”

“Just dashing,” Mrs. Evans grinned and fixed the collar of Lily’s shirt.

She was already wearing the school uniform, minus the robe. It all was starting to feel really real.

 

* * *

* * *

 

Lily found herself in front of the Hogwarts Express. For fifteen minutes, she just stood there, staring at her surroundings.

Her nerves were starting to get her in a way she had not expected.

There were so many people there, hurrying to the train and talking with their families, hugging their friends after the summer.

Lily herself, was in her sixth year, and she knew no one and every single one of her classmates would knew each other. Why had not she thought about that before. As a student of a small school she had not anticipated an atmosphere like the one she was seeing. _Merlin_ , she had not have anticipated anything, and now she felt just outright foolish.

Shoulders tense, she took a step forward, and collided with someone hurrying past her and muttering, “Watch out!” Lily picked her black robe she had dropped and continued shuffling forward the platform. The place was buzzing. She tried to avoid crashing to anyone else.

She managed to get into the train and find a place for her heavier luggage without any problems. Lily hesitantly brushed her hand over the short red hair as she watched people backing into the compartments. She hoped to find an empty one to avoid any awkward encounters. She had no idea where all of her courage had gone.

Eyes on the floor, she proceeded. When she glanced to the compartments she passed, she witnessed many animated conversations that everyone was having. There was fewer and fewer people in the seats as she mover further, so it would not take long to find an empty compartment, surely. The problem was that her way seemed to be blocked by five guys. They were having a loud conversation, if one might even call it that.

“Back off, Avery,” said the guy with a shoulder length black hair. He stood tall and threatening. The bloke next to him who was wearing glasses and had a dark hair too, had his hand on the other’s shoulder. Lily could not tell first whether the boy was trying to hold the other back or if he was just offering his support.

“You’re the one who’s sticking his nose into our business, Black,” one of the other three boys snarled and took a step towards the guy who Lily had heard talking first.

“Wow,” the guy with the glasses warned, “We would not want to see any broken noses _this year_ before the Welcoming Feast, so why don’t you snakes just slither back into your holes.”

“That’s right, Mulciber. Didn’t mummy ever tell you not to answer when you’re not addressed,” the boy with the longer hair – Black, sneered.

“Stop talking shite. We all know who here has the mummy issues,” Mulciber grimaced.

Black’s expression was stormy. The glasses guy took a step forward now, “I would be careful with my words if I was you. Just a friendly advice, of course.” But his tone made it sound anything else than a ‘friendly advice’ of any sort.

Lily finally noticed the hard grip the boy had his wand in. Then she realized that all of them had their wands out. It was just ridiculous. Were these people actually picking a fight in the middle of a train? And it was only the first day of the school year. She really did not want to have any part in this.

“Always excellent with the manners, Potter,” Avery grinned. “What a perfect Gryffindor poster-boy front you got there.”

“You have no idea,” the boy Lily assumed to be Potter, muttered with a low voice.

Lily had grown awfully impatient while waiting there for several minutes for the group to stop bickering. Really, she needed to find a seat.

“Sorry, can I get through?” she said.

The boys seemed to be confused with the interruption, and half of Lily wished she had just turned away, other half of her had just grown short-tempered.

No one answered, or moved. Great.

“Would you let me pass,” she stressed.

“We’re kind of in the middle of something,” Potter said.

Lily’s eyes trailed on the ties they were wearing. Two who seemed to be friends, Potter and Black, wore golden-red ties, and other three green-silver ones.

“No offence, but I don’t really care whatever kind of house rivalry I’m witnessing here, I just want to go to find an empty seat.”

Black was examining her with his eyes, it seemed. “I don’t know you,” he stated.

“And I don’t know you. Nice to meet you all, can I get through?”

“No, I mean I think that I’ve never seen you in Hogwarts, ever.” It sounded like Black was a sharp guy. He sounded really confident about his knowledge of the students. “In what house are you in? You can’t be much younger or older than us.” He tilted his head.

Next to Black, Potter fixed his glasses like he was not completely used to them and ruffled his messy hair that reminded Lily of a bird’s nest.

“I don’t have a house,” Lily ended up imitating Potter by messing her own hair unconsciously.

“You’re not sorted?” Potter confirmed.

“A new student? It’s rare when they’re not first year-students,” the one guy who had not spoken at all commented.

Lily shrugged, growing uncomfortable under their gazes.

Black was suddenly grinning widely, there was something maniac about it. Lily took a step back.

“Welcome to Hogwarts. You get a scarf and everything,” Black said.

Suddenly the Potter boy was in her space. Bloody hell, guys and their lack of personal space. “I see, you don’t have a tie yet,” he tugged Lily’s shirt collar where the missing tie’s place would be.

 _Personal space, personal space, personal space_ , Lily repeated in her head, when Potter towered over her. But did not say anything aloud, though, she really wanted to complain about it.

“I see,” Potter grinned a crooked smile before backing down. He seemed to notice how Lily’s tense shoulders relaxed slightly when he had done it. The bastard seemed somehow amused by it. Something about it pissed Lily off. “Well, they will know where to put you,” Potter added. “We’ll know then what to make of you.”

Lily could not help speaking up, “Isn’t it a rather prejudiced to determine my whole personality and value by what colour my scarf is?”

Sirius eyebrows shot up. The corner of his lips twitched upwards. “You are making an awfully good point there, Mr…?”

“Evans.”

It seemed like Potter and Black were having some kind of a silent conversation with each other, before Black announced, “I guess you’re not going to wear green then, Evans.”

Lily had read about some common descriptions about the houses, heard some rumors about the ideologies. She could guess where this was going.

“Is it because of my name?” Lily said annoyed. After all, it was very clearly a muggle name.

Black shook his head like this was entertaining him. “No, it’s your opinions you just put out there. Really idealistic, I might add.”

Lily could almost hear Black adding a sardonic _‘cute’_ in the end of the sentence.

“A Mudblood,” one of the Slytherins muttered.

Lily’s eyes snapped to that person. “Yes, sorry for polluting your precious space with my filthy blood. I must have made you feel dreadfully uncomfortable.”

They looked stunned, like they had not expected that kind of reaction at all. It annoyed Lily even more. They think she would just accept the rude remarks? Not a chance. Even the boys in red and gold ties looked taken back, though.

“If someone here has an opinion about my bloodstatus, they can kindly shove them where their opinions belong to: In their own shallow-minded uneducated arses.”

It sounded like Potter was having a hard time swallowing his spit as Sirius was cackling.

And then, she remembered that she was not there making enemies. “Merlin,” she muttered to herself. “I’m done with this,” she waved her hand to make them move from her way. To her surprise, they did, leaving her a gap between them. She hurried past them. Her eyes met the hazel ones before she walked away.

“How can anyone’s arse be educated?” was the last thing she heard Sirius thoughtfully say.

Lily gritted her teeth together and disappeared into an empty compartment.

When she was on her own, she realized that she would not get a warm welcome in the house of Slytherin. She could only hope that Black had been right.

What had come to her? It was not like her to be impulsive and easily insulted. Others had always described her as a calm and collected one – the kind one. Maybe she had changed. She found her reflection in the train window. She looked strange. Like a stranger.

_A Mudblood._

She would never let that word have power over her.

_‘Such a shame you’re a Mudblood.’_

Lily straightened her back and tightened her mouth.

So what if she could not recognize herself anymore?

She would just learnt to know herself again.

Lily lifted her finger to twirl her long tresses, but she only touched the air where the hair was now absent. So, instead she lifted the other hand too and ran both of them over her scalp, and smoothing her hair down.

It was going to be a long year.


End file.
